| yadda, yadda, yadda |
[29 Nov 2004|11:27pm] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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music |
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GreenDay, Boulevard of broken dreams |
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Ok so I'm a shit...I haven't posted in forever! Things are good, I love my jobs. I work full time as a nurse at Cliffview assisted living for seniors and I bartend part-time at the quarter circle saloon. I just got an adorable kitten (Mayhem) and I'm getting a puppy this week. Our house will be quite crowded! I'm seeing a great guy (Andy) and just enjoying life day by day. To all my friends in PA (you know who you are) I love you guys and I miss you like crazy! Hopefully I'll get home for a spell in dec. Take care all and peace out! ~GK~
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| Rawr! |
[27 Jun 2004|11:03pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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music |
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Story Of The Year |
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I know I haven't posted in forever, cause yeah I'm lazy! But anyway I just graduated college and celebrated my 25th birthday. Whoo! But I guess the big news is my moving to colorado. Yep....well I guess that's all the news I have for today...I'll try to post more in the future but like I said I'm fairly lazy when it comes to updating my journal. :) Oh yeah I changed my email address. It's GothicChild79@aol.com. Peace out!
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[14 Aug 2003|11:32pm] |
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mood |
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 restless |
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music |
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Smile Empty Soul, Bottom of The Bottle |
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Well I made it through the first month of school...so far so good. I'm hoping to have made honors this marking period. It's been tough....I need several more hours in the day. I fell asleep fully clothed, makeup on, with my text book in my lap last night. Working at macys is majorly pissing me off lately, I don't know if it's me or something in the water but people seem to be growing slowly dumber everyday. I think when I move in a month or 2 I'll start looking for a new job. My Grandfather passed away last week....I wasn't close to him but it's still sad. Had a bit of a medical related scare in the past few days which caused me a hell of a lot of stress and sleeplessness. Fortunatly everything is fine and I hope the doctor who "diagnosed" me gets his balls ripped off. You don't tell someone they have a potentially fatal disease without doing any additional testing. Asshole. I really don't feel like going to work tomorrow.....Unfortunatly I need the money. Tuition is damn expensive. So anyway...I think I'll go chain smoke for awhile. G'night all.
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| bored...really bored |
[02 Jul 2003|10:35pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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The Starting Line, Best Of Me |
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Seeing as how I haven't updated in a really long time and that I'm bored as hell I figured I'd take a little time to rant. I start school in like two weeks...mixed feelings about it I suppose. Yeah I'm excited but also really nervous. I'm also now in debt like 11,000 dollars. Scary!! I'm also in the process of learning how to drive...also scary...my dad is the one teaching me...way scary. However I must be getting better because now instead of panicked shouting I get grunted at. My mom and stepfather are possibly getting divorced...and may I just say it's about fucking time!! He's the biggest asshole I've ever known. If they do get divorced it means we'll have to move...not sure how I feel about that yet. It might be cool though. The one good thing about going to school full time is that it means I'll only be working at macys part-time nights. I'm getting so sick of being there 40 hours a week. I really feel sometimes that there is a big sign and arrow pointing towards macys that says "If you are stupid and ignorant shop here". Ok so I'm exagerating a bit but I'm sure anyone in retail can relate to me on this. Yep, 2 more weeks until homework and tests and learning. hehe. I guess I am excited about it. Finally I'm doing something to better myself and perhaps gain a little respect. Now when people say "so what do you do?" I won't have to say "I work at macys"and tolerate the looks people give you when they think you have a crappy job. Granted it is a crappy job but hey at least it's a job. I'd rather work at macys then be jobless and piss poor. Anyway that's enough for now I'm gonna go watch The Simpsons and take a long hot shower. G'night all!
Back to school, back to school.
Prove to Dad that I'm not a fool.
Got my lunch packed up and my boots tied tight.
Hope I don't get in a fight......
(Billy Madison)
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| I need a drink or 5..... |
[04 Oct 2002|11:48pm] |
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music |
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Eminem,Cleaning out my closet |
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Ever have one of those days where you just want to throw the covers over your head and block out everything and everyone? Well I think I'm having one of those weeks. My good friend sleep abandoned me last night and I just wake up everyday feeling irritated and frustrated about so much shit. Maybe I should talk to a doctor about getting some happy pills.... I just want to know that it isn't always going to be like this...cause my fuse is getting pretty short. I can't wait to get my licsense so I can quit my job and find something the fuck else. At this point I don't even care what. And I need to move the fuck out of this house, I'm sick of putting up with other peoples mess and crap and attitudes. they say things always seem darkest before the dawn.....but they never say how dark....depressing thought huh?
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[27 Sep 2002|02:42pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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Further Seems Forever, Moon is down |
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"Illusions"
When night is over,
morning sun touches horizon.
Deep purple swirled midnight,
mutes into quiet grey dawn.
Golden pale light,
steals concealing darkness.
Leaving exposed,
burning sin.
Icy breath of spirits,
disguised in silver fog.
Haunting corners,
of sunlit glass.
Ghost pale skin,
contrasts dark fathomless eyes.
Deeply rimmed rose,
saline glints on irridescent iris.
Cold hands rest silently,
fingers intertwined.
Spread across,
deeply twisted emotion.
Breathless whispers,
of unfailing passion.
Echo promises,
of eternal love.
Rest quiet now,
in dreamless sleep.
Moonlight fades away,
into a bittersweet dawn.
Jaded Eyes,
blink with awareness.
Quick to close,
the dream dissolved.
~gk~
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| New poem |
[26 Sep 2002|11:23pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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music |
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Linkin Park, 1STP KLOSR, Reanimation cd |
] |
"Forever" ~gk~
Half hidden in purple shadow, waiting for silvery glow of moon to tint twilight sky. Quick, bright eyes take in surroundings, little ears listen sharp for noises in the night. Cool winds blow, carrying scent of lavender and echo of soft laughter. Hazy mist swirls over crystal pools as petals of ivory silk dance across. Enchanted reflections cast on still water. Soft, from blue velvet sky fall stars of golden glow. Weighed heavy of wishing hearts. Gracefully settle on dew misted grass. Erupting in fiery nimbus. Forever quieting our hope. Forever silencing our laughter.
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[24 Sep 2002|12:23pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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music |
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Chevelle, The Red |
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Woooo! I finally have my driving permit. I went this morning to get it. I stayed up last night until 4am studying the manual and I had been reading it every day for the past week. But yeah anyway woo go me! :) Sunday was like the freaking day from hell. Maybe it would have seemed better if I had not been drinking on saturday night but I seriously doubt it. I have major issues with stupid lazy people who can't show up at work when they are scheduled. Yeah working weekends sucks but we all have to do it and miss out on doing fun stuff. And it would help if we had a manage who gave a fuck that her department was staffed even if she wasn't going to be there. I'm sick of having to pick up other people slack and not get any credit or recognition for it. Basically as soon as i get my license I'm finding a new job. But anyway after having a majorly shitty frustrating day at work I come home and ask my mom to get out my social security card which I will nedd for the permit test I took today. Well she looked for it and could not find it. It had only come in the mail a week or so before this and as soon as it came I had handed it to her and said but this away with everyone elses documents so it doesn't get lost. I only had possesion of it for 2 minutes tops. So when we were looking for it on sunday she says are you sure you gave it to me? I said yes I am positive. Then she starts bitching at me saying it's my responsibility and all this other bullshit. Already being in a bad mood from work I became a bit agitated and yelled right back at her and told her it was her fault not mine that it was lost for the fucking second time. How come no one elses ever got lost and mine was lost twice? so I got pissed and left. She later called me on monday morning and said she found it, which means she did have it. But did she apologize? Nope. She was still pissed at me for blaming her and yelling at her. GRR! But oh well it all worked out in the end. Well that's all for now, My dad is taking me out driving!!! Love ya all, ~gk~
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| "Far Gone" |
[23 Aug 2002|09:57pm] |
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mood |
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 indifferent |
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music |
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Further Seems Forever, Snowbirds and Townies |
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Sitting here in the dim shadow of night, cigarette butt dangling from my slack fingers, wisps of pale grey smoke weaving through the air around me. Thoughts restlessly wandering far, and I'm miles away from sanity. Eyes that begin to itch and burn, staring blankly, seeing nothing. Slowly close and re-open strangely and with an almost reptilian allure. And still I sit....staring and listening. Seeing so much nothing that it's blinding and hearing a silence so vast that it's deafening. Feeling alone and lost, adrift in this salt sea borne of my tears and blood. And I sink deeper, deeper gagging on my resentment and choking on my pride. Let myself drown...to proud to reach for a hope that isn't even there, to blind to see that you were reaching for me...or to far gone to see that you were not. ~gk~
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| Creepy........ |
[23 Aug 2002|09:42pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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Further Seems Forever, February Tide |
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I laid down on the couch in the tv room at about 2am, I wasn't planning on sleeping there cause I still had laundry and assorted other stuff that I really should have been doing. But I guess I was tired cause I started drifting off into sleep but I don't think I was fully asleep when I heard a voice calling my name. It sounded like a male voice and it sounded urgent, like something was wrong. It was so real that I actually sat up and said "what"? and looked around the room expecting to see someone standing there. But there wasn't anyone there. Now I know what a voice in a dream sounds like and this voice was nothing like that. It left me feeling pretty freaked out so I got up and slept in another room.
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| I finally got rid of my writers block! |
[12 Jul 2002|12:14am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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Unwritten Law, See'in Red |
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"The moon is broken"
The moon has broken and the silver light of it's fragments radiate an ethereal glow. A vast coldness chills me , shivers trace my skin. The darkened skye rains down tears of loss and grief. Icy drops and the sharp scent of ozone distract me from my own torments.The sudden desire to grasp a sharp fragment of broken moon and slice into my veins is intense. I t devours my being and threatens to consume me. Blindly reaching out in the now eternally dark night I search for a shred of hope, but my hope like the moon has broken. A child who once believed in unicorns and that every thing ended happily ever after looks in the mirror and bitterly laughs at the disillusion seen reflected. Blinking away the warm salt tears of forgotten youth and abandon, pressing a palm to the now cold, pale fragments of broken moon. Falling to my knees in weakness, I can't pretend it's all rainbows and sandcastles. I sit back on my heels and watch as yesterdays of pain repeat themselves. Everything crumbles through my fingers now leaving me with nothing. Leaving me thinking that nothing is what I deserve. Staring forlornly now at the broken moon, it's radiance has long since faded taking a piece of me with it.
~GK~
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[23 May 2002|02:31pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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Alice in chains, Angry chair |
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I'm going to the Inkwell tonight to decide on what tattoo I want to get done tomorrow, I might get a new eyebrow ring too. I'm getting bored with the one I have now. I have to call up my health insurance company today and list my primary doctor, fun stuff! I should also probably clean my room....haha yeah right. Happy B-day to the wonderful Ms.T!!! I hope it was a good one and you got lots of great presents!! hehe. I just downloaded Spinner which is I guess like an online radio. It's ok although I really miss Napster. I'm going to be 23 in 2 weeks...kind of scary I'm considered an adult now cause I really don't feel that I am. Responsibility sucks! I want to be a toys r' us kid forever!! Anyway just wanted to post something because I haven't posted in awhile I actually really didn't have anything important to say. So I'm off to go do something remotely productive....don't ask me what though. :)
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[08 May 2002|11:49pm] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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music |
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ColdPlay, Yellow |
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I'm very tired....I hate long days at work. Although it was fun cause Shawna, Robert and Justin were working. Shawna and I haven't seen J-bomb since christmas so it was nice to catch up with him even though he made us go to ritas water ice with him then whined that his feet hurt. How does he think we felt wearing heels all day??? I got my mom a bracelet for mothers day.....I hope she likes it. I know how she is though even if she hates it she'll say she loves it then not wear it ever. Oh well, it's the thought that counts right? I put another piercing in my ear so now I'm up to 16, a couple more and I'll be done. Hehe. Time to get more tattoos. :) Thank God I have a short day tomorrow and that I'm off on friday. I'm tired of being at macys so much,that place is starting to annoy me big time. As I told Shawna today, Rite Aid is looking better and better. ::sigh:: But I guess that's all for now, cause I'm going to go collapse into my nice comfortable bed and sleep for several hours. ~gk~
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| A day in the life..... |
[01 May 2002|11:14pm] |
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mood |
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drained |
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music |
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Dashboard confessional, Screamin' Infedelities |
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I'm realizing more and more how much my job annoys me...Time to search for greener pastures maybe??? I seriously need to get motivated and get done all the things I need to do. ::sigh:: Why the hell is it so hard to get motivated though? I'm tired...I need to shower....I have work in 9 hours and I don't have a day off until monday. I'm in a complaining type of mood in case no one noticed. I did read 2 good books recently though "Rituals" and "This Symbiotic Fascination" Both horror novels. I recomend them to anyone who likes freaky, scary stories. I also started writing a short story, Shawna helped with some ideas for it. Hehe. But anyways I think my laundry is almost done so it's time for bed. G'night.
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| "Fire in the (hell) hole!" |
[06 Apr 2002|09:49pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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Thursday, How long is the night? |
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Well my day was certainly interesting. There was a fire in macys today and we had to evacuate the building for an hour. Of course I didn't have a coat with me so I had to stand out in the snow flurries and freeze. Thankfully we were allowed to go sit in our cars beings that we weren't allowed back in the building for like an hour. I went tanning with shawna today. Now I'm all red and itchy. Hopefully it will turn into a nice tan though. ::crosses fingers:: I bought a new cd today it's a band called Thursday and the title of the cd is Full Collapse. My friend Clif reccomended them. I think it's going to be one of my favorite cds. Thanks Clif!!! Anyway I think my laundry is done and I have a new book to read so that's all I'm posting for today. G'night.
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[29 Mar 2002|08:00pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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t.v. in the other room |
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well I guess I'm feeling slightly better than from the last time I posted. I hope no one was offended by what I wrote because it wasn't directed towards anyone. Pretty much what I've figured out is that shit happens and then life moves on. Most things that we let ourselves get stressed out over aren't worth the emotional strain we put on ourselves worrying about them. However a little cursing and whining never hurts and can make you feel better. :)
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[26 Mar 2002|12:25am] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
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music |
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Alice in chains, Down in a hole |
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I'm in one of those "fuck everything" kind of moods.
Fuck my job.
Fuck my parents.
Fuck me for never speaking my mind.
Fuck my lack of self esteem.
Fuck all people who don't accept me for who I am.
Fuck my cynacism.
Fuck my life.
Fuck the entire fucked up world.
And while your at it go fuck yourself.
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| FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! |
[24 Mar 2002|07:01pm] |
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mood |
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 enraged |
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music |
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FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! |
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Just when you are starting to feel like maybe your life is going good something fucking happens and makes you feel like crap again. I don't think I have ever been so furious in my entire life. On saturday while I was out bowling with some friends some fucking piece of shit asshole went in my purse took out my wallet and emptied it of 150 bucks. Then they closed my wallet and put it back in my purse. They didn't take my phone or my credit card and thankfully I didn't have my checkbook with me. But it's like a huge fucking slap in the face when you go to buy a pack of cigarettes and discover that almost your entire weeks paycheck is gone. Basically it's like I worked 40 hours at a job I hate for free. I feel like fucking throwing up. ARGHHHH!!!!!!!! I think I'm done crying for now though. :(
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| Rambling and reflecting....... |
[22 Mar 2002|04:32pm] |
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mood |
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awake |
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music |
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Coldplay, Yellow |
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Damn where has the time gone? I can't believe it's friday!! My whole vacation is over. It was good though. I got to spend a lot of time with Tim. I was even on his sleep schedule for awhile. Hehe. But since I go back to work on monday I have to get back on my schedule. :( I guess I kind of miss work, not the actual work part of it but seeing the people I work with, Shawna, Mike, Mary etc.... I can't believe I let my mother talk me into working for her tomorrow, ughh. I really don't feel like doing it. Time just goes by so fast sometimes and it really sucks. I'm just kind of rambling here, but since I haven't bored you guys with an entry lately deal with it! There is so much I want to say to people but it's not stuff that I want recorded in my journal. Not that it's bad or anything but it's just stuff that would apply to people individualy and others wouldn't understand or relate to. I especially need to talk to someone who doesn't even update or probably even read her journal anymore. Life is funny sometimes things happen and change so fast that you don't even get the chance to catch your breath from them before something else comes along. It's kind of nice to step away from it all every now and then. The only thing is that when you re-enter everything is right there waiting for you like a slap in the face. Maybe I'm not making any sense here or maybe I am and someone who reads this can relate to what I'm saying. Who knows? I'm not sure even if I am making sense to myself. There have been so many times that I thought my life was over only to find that it hasn't even begun. And I guess that's a good thing, so many damn things have changed this year, mostly good but also some bad. Of course some things that might appear bad at first can be the best things in life and vice versa. But I think maybe for the first time in my life I can honestly say that I am happy and I would like to believe that I'm making other people happy too.
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[06 Mar 2002|10:18pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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Alanis Morissette, Hands Clean |
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Ever have one of those days that just feels wrong somehow? I can't really explain it....I've just been really out of it today. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had forgotten something or done something wrong. Lack of sleep could be a factor in this, I never wanted so badly in life to turn off the alarm and go back to bed then I did this morning. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me lately, I wonder if it is possible to have something in you that makes you want to sabotage good things in your life? Has anyone else ever experienced that feeling? It's almost something you are aware you're doing, but not quite. Then after you've done it you realize how stupid a thing you've done and then you have the stress of trying to figure out how to repair the damage you've done. I'm probably not even explaining this right, I dunno maybe I'm just messed up right now. Logical thinking has apparently abandoned me. Anyway, pass the excedrin pm cause I'm going to bed. Hopefully someone will make me coffee in the morning.
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eternallybitter's journal